Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
