She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
