We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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