R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
