My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
