ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
