she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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