youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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