dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
