My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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