Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
