Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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