Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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