No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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