My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize