no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
