I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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