i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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