o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
