Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was born a porn star she said
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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