dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
