did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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