just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
