i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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