My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
