i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex on a roof
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
