You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
