drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
