So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
