Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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