you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
