Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Two words: blizzard sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
