he wants to bone in the snuggie
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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