U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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