dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
