now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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