Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i drank out of a bidet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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