Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
