One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
