is your mom at the bar?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
