she was so not down for the gang bang
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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