3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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