she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
