I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
