I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
