god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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