I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
