Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
someone owes me an orgasm
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
