i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
