ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
