Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
