Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
