just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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