Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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