You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
