Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
