sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
