My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
