So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
