we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
