The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
