Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
