Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My liver just had a heart attack.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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