Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
