I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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