Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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