I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
