he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
